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The question is: How do you move through these three levels? Level 3: Self-Narrative Finally, when you truly know someone, you know the stories they tell themselves about themselves-how they have made sense of their journey and purpose through life.They also get a broader picture of the decisions and attitudes that shape their life. Level 2: Personal Concerns This is where someone gets to know a person’s goals, values, and motivations.See our overview of the personality traits here. Specifically, where they fall on the Big 5 spectrum: how high or low they are in Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.
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Level 1: General Traits At this level, you get to know someone’s general personality traits.He believes there are “three levels of knowing” and that these are the three stages people progress through to become intimate friends, lovers, or companions. Psychology Professor Dan McAdams has studied what it takes to truly know someone. Do you feel like you already know everything that is going on in your people’s lives because you follow them on social media? Sometimes this gets you caught in the how trap. You rely on social media posts to check-in.This means your attention is not going deep. You are doing the dishes, driving or cleaning up the house when you speak. You don’t make eye contact while you speak.Most of your questions start with “how.” Like “how are you?” or “how are the kids?” or “how are you feeling?” or even, “how was your day?” These only touch the surface.In the How Trap you get caught up in day-to-day logistics and check-ins. The How Trap is when you are stuck only asking “How are you?” and nothing more. I mean, have you really, truly, deeply asked the best questions to get to know them as a person? Here’s What Others Say About the 36 Questionsĭo you know the right questions to ask your significant other?.